Fab Feb - A Funk
✅Fitness - #28bysamwood ‘Fired Up’
✅Free of Alcohol
✅Free of Alcohol
✅Family
✅Fire alarm avoided
✅Fun with Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars) and Brooklyn Nine Nine
❌In a funk
The good news is that today I completed my #28bysamwood fitness routine, had an alcohol free day and ate reasonably healthily (cheese and crackers were cleaned up a bit). Mentally and emotionally though, I was in a bit of a funk. They say exercise releases endorphins but it hasn’t been my experience. For years after a session at the gym, particularly with a personal trainer, I’d just want to cry at the end. It wasn’t relief or pain. I think it was the feeling of failure. I know that I am supposed to feel good that I made any effort in the first place but the effort was so much, well, effort. And it was to do something which I did not enjoy, made me feel bad about myself and was incredibly tiring. Most of the time I don’t feel like crying anymore and I feel good about my effort but I still don’t like it, I still feel bad about myself and I still feel incredibly tired afterwards.
Delaying yesterday’s post until this morning put my day out by an hour or so. That meant I exercised later than planned, had breakfast later than planned and then thought, what’s the point of going to uni today. You see, I was in a bit of a funk today. I think it is partly due to thinking about my Grandma and Nanna after writing about them this morning, not that I really wrote about who they were. They were both wonderful human beings who were loved by all who knew them and I’m lucky they were in my life for as they were. I think I was also in a funk because today is meant to be the official start of my PhD. Ta-da! Sound the trumpets! But my supervisor emailed this morning to say he can’t see me until next week. I also have an overdue library book which I’m feeling guilty about and the scholarship failure is hitting me hard, emotionally and financially. Speaking of which, another contributor to the funk is the fighting for finance is nearing its end. The bank isn’t lending us as much as we need but we are able to call upon help elsewhere. This, we hope, will only be temporary because we should be able to renegotiate the amount when I have a few casual teaching days on the board. The bank sees me as earning no income because I haven’t received a pay slip in the last three months. Travel and Christmas holidays mean nothing to banks. Business invoices I have issued in the last three months (supported by the money deposited in my bank account) don’t count because they are not part of a tax return yet, which would indicate if the business income is outweighed by expenses or not.
Anyway, enough of the self-pity. I indulged my funk with a Veronica Mars binge festival. I adore Kristen Bell. She makes The Good Place work, she is funny in the YouTube Momsplaining (see YouTube clip above) and I even loved her as the voiceover in Gossip Girl. She has the right balance of wit and sass while being down to earth. She keeps it real. Slowly through the day I began to feel more real too.
For dinner I roasted pork with lots of vegetables but failed at the crackling. It was underdone when everything else was ready so left it in the oven until smoke poured out. Oops! We’re better off without it. We all rushed around opening windows and turning on fans to avoid the obnoxious smoke alarm piercing our eardrums. We finished the evening with the first four episodes of BrooklynNine-Nine Season 6 via SBS on Demand. The humour and hanging with the family freed me from my funk and I slept well.
✅Fun with Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars) and Brooklyn Nine Nine
❌In a funk
The good news is that today I completed my #28bysamwood fitness routine, had an alcohol free day and ate reasonably healthily (cheese and crackers were cleaned up a bit). Mentally and emotionally though, I was in a bit of a funk. They say exercise releases endorphins but it hasn’t been my experience. For years after a session at the gym, particularly with a personal trainer, I’d just want to cry at the end. It wasn’t relief or pain. I think it was the feeling of failure. I know that I am supposed to feel good that I made any effort in the first place but the effort was so much, well, effort. And it was to do something which I did not enjoy, made me feel bad about myself and was incredibly tiring. Most of the time I don’t feel like crying anymore and I feel good about my effort but I still don’t like it, I still feel bad about myself and I still feel incredibly tired afterwards.
Delaying yesterday’s post until this morning put my day out by an hour or so. That meant I exercised later than planned, had breakfast later than planned and then thought, what’s the point of going to uni today. You see, I was in a bit of a funk today. I think it is partly due to thinking about my Grandma and Nanna after writing about them this morning, not that I really wrote about who they were. They were both wonderful human beings who were loved by all who knew them and I’m lucky they were in my life for as they were. I think I was also in a funk because today is meant to be the official start of my PhD. Ta-da! Sound the trumpets! But my supervisor emailed this morning to say he can’t see me until next week. I also have an overdue library book which I’m feeling guilty about and the scholarship failure is hitting me hard, emotionally and financially. Speaking of which, another contributor to the funk is the fighting for finance is nearing its end. The bank isn’t lending us as much as we need but we are able to call upon help elsewhere. This, we hope, will only be temporary because we should be able to renegotiate the amount when I have a few casual teaching days on the board. The bank sees me as earning no income because I haven’t received a pay slip in the last three months. Travel and Christmas holidays mean nothing to banks. Business invoices I have issued in the last three months (supported by the money deposited in my bank account) don’t count because they are not part of a tax return yet, which would indicate if the business income is outweighed by expenses or not.
Anyway, enough of the self-pity. I indulged my funk with a Veronica Mars binge festival. I adore Kristen Bell. She makes The Good Place work, she is funny in the YouTube Momsplaining (see YouTube clip above) and I even loved her as the voiceover in Gossip Girl. She has the right balance of wit and sass while being down to earth. She keeps it real. Slowly through the day I began to feel more real too.
For dinner I roasted pork with lots of vegetables but failed at the crackling. It was underdone when everything else was ready so left it in the oven until smoke poured out. Oops! We’re better off without it. We all rushed around opening windows and turning on fans to avoid the obnoxious smoke alarm piercing our eardrums. We finished the evening with the first four episodes of BrooklynNine-Nine Season 6 via SBS on Demand. The humour and hanging with the family freed me from my funk and I slept well.
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