Fab Feb - Fiery Red

✅Fitness - #28bysamwood 'Iron Man'

✅Alcohol Free

✅Fab Friends

❌Food fail - ice cream again!

I started life with an orange fuzz on my head which lightened and darkened depending on sun exposure. After my daughter was born with similar colouring, I was often asked where her red hair came from. I looked askance at the inquirer, thinking they must be blind. My hair had actually become darker on a more permanent basis around the time my daughter entered our lives, so I now accuse her of stealing my red hair. Perhaps it was hormones, perhaps it was just the process of time creeping up on me. I returned to full-time employment when my children were six and four years old and a high priority was to regain my identity as a red head and thus I have been dying it for the last fifteen years. The fuzz is more of a frizz now.

For the last three years I have been blonde. I switched to blonde as part of my 'fresh start' attitude when I changed schools and commenced a quest for an entirely new direction in my work life. That direction, for the next three years, will be doing my PhD. So now that's sorted, I am ready to settle back to my red head identity. I remember once saying to a Society and Culture class that my identity was so tied up with being a red head, I could never be any other colour. I went blonde less than a year later!

Going red after being blonde, has meant it has come out a lot brighter than I want it to be. It's too fiery for my liking. The photo above is rather muted compared to the reality. I'm hoping in future renditions it will be calmer. 

Work colleagues have often described me as calm which surprises me each time. Internally, I am far from calm. My family does not know me as calm, so perhaps I take out work frustrations on them. I'm wondering if being a red head again gives me permission to lose my temper more. 

A few months ago while chilling with a friend, I started a sentence about some annoyance and my friend sighed and interrupted with "You're constantly annoyed". I was taken aback. But she was right. As a perfectionist, everything not meeting my concept of what's right and proper really grates, only I try not to show it too much. I must have relaxed my exterior self too much with this friend!

More recently, a uni friend described me as bossy. Again I was taken aback. But this time I wouldn't agree. I am of the firm belief that I am not bossy outside the family home. As a consequence, I took the attitude that if I'm going to be described as bossy, then I'll be bossy. Within minutes I pulled her up for demonstrating a lack of respect for a mutual friend. In person, I have been given the cold shoulder since.

I am reasonably comfortable with who I am. I try to curb my bossiness and temper at home but at times of stress and tiredness this can be difficult. The purchase process of our new house and the imminent move has been very stressful. I have tried to stay calm throughout but at the moment, the stresses are starting to bubble over in the form of snapping at my loved ones. I am fortunate that they forgive me.

I am also fortunate to have good friends. Writing these daily #FabFeb posts has made me more aware of how much these connections mean to me. I had a lot of trouble forming and navigating friendships as a child. Arrogance became my armour against bullies at school. Probably not the best form of defence but it helped me to survive. It wasn't until Year 11 that I stopped being permanently petrified of being shunned. That fear still exists when a new friendship commences and with some friends it doesn't fully dissipate. The arrogance only comes out occasionally now but that also means my insecurities are more exposed.

I have a handful of friends from school days that I know will stay strong. When I run into friends from former work places I light up with joy. At university, I am relishing the conversations I have with a whole bunch of new people about all things related to education, similar to the people I know via TeachMeets. I have friends from church who I used to fear would not like me because I hardly attend church anymore, but over the last few years I have relaxed into seeing them as true friends who accept me as I am. My most recent meet-up was a surprise lunch prompted by a text from a church friend asking if I was on campus. She was in an administration queue at the university to collect academic transcripts for her daughter starting a new job soon, that is, when she returns from her trip to Nepal. As you do. What an adventure! 

I am not a perfect friend but I am loyal. I fight for others more than I fight for myself. I try to seize opportunities to meet with friends as much as I can because I believe that together we stand. We stand up to the bullies in our lives, we fight for justice, against adversities and for peace in our hearts. I am so grateful for my friends. My life is so much richer for them being in it. Rich like the red of my hair!